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Oh hey, TBD Fam!
I’m coming in with a beautiful metaphor today for shifting unhelpful thought patterns by creating internal boundaries. This metaphor has been so present for me as I cultivate new beliefs lately and I know it will be super helpful for you too!
Links mentioned in this episode:
Hello, hello, my friends and welcome back to the show! I wanted to pull the curtain back into an internal process I’ve been navigating this year because one, I know you’ll likely relate and two, I think it’ll be helpful.
But first a little backstory. I mentioned in Ep 9: The Triggering Side of Growth that for about 18 months, I found myself in an internal regression when some old patterns were activated – mostly second-guessing myself, being indecisive, falling back into people-pleasing, an experiencing a freeze response under the responsibilities I felt running a much bigger business.
Pulling myself out of that took lots of introspection and self-compassion, which ultimately led to many times of trying to draw that proverbial line-in-the-sand when I was really ready to “turn the page” into the next chapter.
Except I wasn’t ready. I just wanted to be ready. And that was such a hard place to be.
Just like we can’t force clarity, we can’t force grief, we can’t force process, we can’t force integration. And we surely can’t force readiness. And oh, how we’ll try.
But a few months ago, I woke up one morning feeling lighter and I knew readiness had finally arrived.
Although it’s been a super long time since I’ve gone through a breakup, I can still remember that first day you wake up and they’re not the first thought you have on your mind. There isn’t that immediate sadness & heaviness in your heart.
And after waking up that way for days and weeks as you move through a breakup – that first day when it’s different – YOU’RE different – is such a noticeable shift. Your heart has moved on. It’s healed. You’ve let go. And you’ve officially stepped into your next chapter.
That’s how it was for me a few months ago. After weeks and months of processing – it didn’t feel forced to step into the next thing. It simply arrived. And I was so incredibly grateful.
But what’s been interesting about these past few months is I’ve noticed just how much that last chapter has created these thought patterns for me and it’s this piece that I wanted to break down in this particular episode.
When I first started Wild & Holy Radio – I kicked things off with a short 3-part Expansion Series as I walked you through the 3 phases we go through when we’re becoming our next version.
The first is having a paradigm shift – that beautiful (and sometimes painful) moment when you see something through a different lens that you can never unsee.
That paradigm shift is 100% necessary and is typically something that arrives when all the stars align. In fact, the thing that you can all of a sudden see has been there the whole friggin’ time. You just weren’t ready to see it. But once it ushers itself in, you likely start seeing it everywhere.
For instance, I’ll never forget waking up to the fact that I’ve always been a liberal person. Seeing that about myself, it gave me a completely different worldview on why conservative Christianity always made me feel never enough. When I realized I wasn’t the problem, it was just a poor fit for my values – it was like the heavens parted and I was like “ooooohhhhhh! I get it now!”
But once we have that paradigm shift, our next phase is shifting our TFD’s – our thoughts, our feelings, and what we do. When you’ve been blaming yourself for years (or rather been taught to blame yourself for years) for not fitting in or being rebellious or needing to be more obedient (for example) – those patterns don’t just go away because you’ve had an epiphany.
It takes active work to shift out of those patterns and reminding yourself “this isn’t what we do here anymore”.
And it’s this piece that is SO INCREDIBLY KEY when we’re upleveling who we’re being & how we’re governing ourselves!
The last phase is embodiment when we actually become that new version and most of us don’t even realize we’ve arrived somewhere different because for most of us, we’ve already had new paradigm shifts we’re working on integrating and all the new TFDs we need to focus on in order for that to be so.
So, I mention this (and definitely go listen to this series because it’s a good one) because I’ve noticed that even though my heart has moved into this next chapter – my TFDs (and my thoughts especially) are still catching up to this new code of conduct, so to speak, of “what we now do here”.
I’ve been taking massive action lately on building out my first app, which has been so friggin’ exciting!! I’ve been cultivating my vision for this and all the thousands and even millions of people it will help. Just last week, I walked all my mastermind clients through the wireframes that have been created for what the Money Map might look like when it’s in app form. I walked them through the proposal, the cost, the timeline to build out – all the things and to take them behind the scenes of my thought process.
I’ve invested in a strategic mapping session with a tech startup consultant and we have that booked and on the schedule. I’m starting to plan my first round of funding to raise the capital needed to build out the app, which is going to be $100K, at least. And I’ll likely go for raising $150K just to give myself some wiggle room with additional unforeseen expenses because we know those always come in business.
The thing I shared with my clients that I want to share with you is that I’ve had hundreds of people go through the Money Map at this point. HUNDREDS. And there has not been one single negative review of this tool.
In fact, the Money Map has only been met with rave reviews around the financial clarity it provides your business and how helpful it is to have a financial framework to start understanding your cash flow, numbers, and margins.
So it’s been interesting to watch my thoughts about this as I prepare to take this tool bigger.
My thoughts have been experiencing those “what if’s”, right?
What if no one wants this.
What if no one likes it.
What if no one gets it.
When I’ve literally had HUNDREDS of sales and HUNDREDS of happy customers. Like, what the fuck, brain? Literally? There is no actual evidence or data for any of those “what if’s” to even be present.
So, I’ve been noticing this and more importantly, I’ve been noticing my response to them.
Because after 18 months of letting my monkey brain run a lot of the show with far too much self-doubt taking up real estate in my brain, I’ve had to set firm boundaries with myself that “this isn’t what we do here anymore”. We don’t have time to spend one more minute in self-doubt. Instead, we are cultivating conviction, knowing, faith, and certainty in this season. And honestly, it’s been such a refreshing experiment!
Back in my therapy days, I used to offer a metaphor to my clients for what it’s like upgrading your thought patterns that goes a little something like this…
I want you to imagine that you’re about 8 or 9 years old and your best friend lives right next door to you, but between your house and their house are some woods. Now, you and your best friend have gone back and forth to each other’s house over and over and over again running along the same trail that’s incredibly well worn. The path has been cleared of branches. You know every single turn by heart. You’ve walked it in the daylight. You’ve walked it in the dark. You know this trail like the back of your hand.
This is what its like when there’s a strong neural pathway that forms a familiar thought pattern. It’s well worn. It’s familiar. And left to your own devices to get from Point A (your house) to Point B (your friend’s house), this is going to be the automatic path you take. Because it’s easy. You’ve walked it a thousand times.
But let’s say this path isn’t working anymore and it’s time to carve out a new one. You have to do the work of beating back the branches on this new path. You have to clear the ground. It’s hard work. It doesn’t feel nearly as easy and definitely not familiar, but you’re committed to not just forming this new path – but making it your new normal.
And so you do. You work on that path. You build it. You intentionally walk it. And it slowly starts to become your new normal. Not as familiar, but it’s getting there.
And then one day you’re tired and without thinking, you find yourself walking on the old trail instead of this new path just out of habit, right?
And when you realize, you’re like “oh woah… this isn’t the way I wanted to go” and it’s kind of almost shocking that you find yourself on that path to begin with. You weren’t even thinking. You were simply operating on autopilot.
This is what it’s like when old thought patterns are present that you catch and you’re like “woah… this isn’t what we do here. What am I doing down this thinking path again”?
And that’s where I’ve been the past couple of months because even though my heart has stepped into this next chapter, my thoughts are still catching up and I’ve most definitely caught thoughts that were finding a deep groove during those 18 months showing up still and I’ve had to catch myself. I’ve had to remind myself “we’re not thinking that way anymore. We’re not spending time on these for one more second” and I ground myself back into the thoughts I am intentionally cultivating.
I mentioned that a lot of my mindset work went out the window during those 18 months so to bring it back again and doing so intentionally feels like that the new path I’m carving through the woods.
I’m beating back the branches. I’m clearing the ground. I am intentionally placing thoughts on this path that I want to be my new normal.
And it’s this internal boundary with myself that is really upleveling my self-leadership and moving me into alignment with the future version of myself I want to see. The one who’s standing on stage speaking at a tech conference on building community around an app. The one who’s in magazines as “A Person to Watch in Business Finance”. The one who’s delivering talk after talk helping people shift into a deeper relationship with their numbers, margins, and cash flow. I’m intentionally thinking about her thoughts that are becoming my thoughts and I’m SO HERE for this in this season!!
So I want to wrap this episode with something that doesn’t really seem that profound. It seems really simple. It seems like something I know we’ve all heard a thousand times, but what are the thoughts you want to be cultivating about yourself, your business, and where you’re going?
Not what’s possible. But where you’re actually going. Decide it.
What path do you want to establish as your new normal?
Give yourself an upgrade. Work on those thoughts. Cultivate them. Catch the old ones like, “woah… that’s not what we do here.” Notice how that simple interruption can shift your whole day and buy you back time from going down a rabbit hole.
We so got this! Until next time, friends, here’s to the courage to keep showing up even when clarity is still forming! Knowing, trusting, believing the next right step is always on its way. See you soon!
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